Letting Go of Control

For most of my early life, I believed that staying in control was the only way to survive.

Growing up in a home where emotions were either ignored or punished, I learned to bottle things up. Vulnerability got you yelled at. Emotional honesty led to pain. So, I took control — of my feelings, of my problems, and of my life. And on the surface, that seemed like a good thing. People even praised it.

But over time, I came to realize something much deeper was going on. This drive for control became more than a coping mechanism — it became an idol. Worse, it distorted my view of God.

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When Our View of God Is Shaped by Our Wounds

Just as I felt my earthly family was cold and distant, I began to think of God the same way — cold, distant, and silent. I knew intellectually that the Bible says otherwise:

“I will never leave you nor forsake you.” — Hebrews 13:5

And yet, in my heart, I didn’t believe it. The Bible speaks of relationship — of a triune God, of a Savior who died to restore us to Himself. But to me, God still felt far away. So how could I possibly let go of control to a God I didn’t fully trust?

Repent and Believe

In Mark 1:15, Jesus calls us to “Repent and believe in the Gospel.” That’s a call not just for salvation, but for everyday life.

So, I started praying: “Lord, help my unbelief.” I began asking: What is the truth about God that my disbelief is hiding?

This wasn’t an overnight transformation. It took weeks of prayer and meditation on Scripture to realize: God wasn’t distant — I was. I wasn’t seeing what He was doing around me, and I wasn’t listening for His voice.

That’s when I began a spiritual practice that changed everything — I started journaling “God sightings.” Moments when I saw God moving. Answers to prayer. People He sent into my life at just the right time. Over time, this habit opened my eyes to His presence and His nearness. Now, I can say with confidence that God has never left me or forsaken me.

Seek First the Kingdom of God

Let’s go back to Jesus’ words in Matthew 6:31–34:

“Therefore do not be anxious... But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”

This passage gives us a blueprint for replacing anxiety with trust:

1. Don’t be anxious — Three times Jesus says it.

2. Seek first the Kingdom — Prioritize God’s rule and reign over our own “little kingdoms.”

3. Pursue His righteousness — Not to earn salvation, but to grow into Christ’s character.

To apply this, I began using spiritual disciplines like journaling, meditating on Scripture, and practicing daily awareness of God’s presence. This was how I learned to seek the Kingdom in my own heart, not just in theory.

“You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart.” — Jeremiah 29:13

Replace Unbelief with Truth

Here are two practical examples that may help you apply this:

1. If you struggle to trust God for provision— Meditate on Matthew 6 and other stories of God’s faithfulness (like the Israelites in the wilderness).— Reflect on how God has already provided in your life.— Journal your own “God sightings.”

2. If you’re trying to earn God’s love through works— Confess and repent of that false belief.— Soak in Gospel-rich Scripture like Ephesians 1–3.— Preach the Gospel to yourself daily: “It is finished.”

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How My Story Ends — And Continues

So how did this story end for me?

Well, the anxiety I once felt in this area is gone. In its place, there’s peace — God’s peace. And that peace came not from “trying harder,” but from repenting of false beliefs, seeking God’s Kingdom, letting go of control, and staying alert to His presence.

But this journey isn’t finished. It’s never finished.

Repenting and believing the Gospel isn’t a one-time event. It’s a lifelong rhythm. Every day brings new moments of surrender — and with them, new glimpses of God’s grace.

Reflection Questions:

• Where are you still holding onto control in your life?

• What does your heart truly believe about God — and how does that shape your behavior?

• How can you seek first His Kingdom in the midst of your anxiety?

Let’s be a people who pursue the presence of God daily — not because we have to earn His love, but because He’s already given it freely in Christ.

“Repent and believe the Gospel.” — Mark 1:15